Merry Christmas!!!

Gotta love Botticelli.

Blue Like Jazz

I started reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller again yesterday because I was bored, couldn't sleep, didn't want to be on my computer, didn't want to watch a movie- basically did not want to do any of the normal mundane things I do to pass time. So, I decided that I needed some spiritual guidance and picked up one of my favorite books to read one more time.

It's funny because even though I read this book before and adored it, I feel as though I am reading it for the first time again. I think it's because I have grown a lot in a lot of different ways since the first time I read it so it's as though it is being read with new eyes and a new understanding. I also think I am applying it to my life a lot more this time around.

That's a tough thing about spirituality and life in general I guess: you can be greatly affected by something and want this affect to change your life but it's all lead by emotion. Once that emotion wears off you go right back to the way you were as though this "something" never even entered your life. At least, I know that has happened to me a lot in my lifetime. Whether it be when I rededicated myself to Christ at Acquire the Fire or even when I decided to start working out and getting in shape. While it was happening, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I felt like a changed person. Once I got comfortable in my life again I went right back to being the lazy person that I am. That's really what my problem is, you know. I am just a really lazy person who never wants to put forth the effort to change my ways because staying sedentary is just plain easier.

Going back to Blue Like Jazz, I decided this time around that I wanted to highlight stuff that hit me as it hit me. Unfortunately, last night I was being (*cue buzz word*) lazy and didn't want to get up to get a pen or pencil. Thus, I missed out on some valuable underlining. Just now, however, I picked up a pencil I had found in my purse earlier in the evening and started skimming through the previously read chapters to find stuff to underline. From now on I am going to keep this pencil with my book so that I won't lose another opportunity to underline key phrases and quotes that hit me the hardest.

So far, I have already underlined a lot of stuff. I wanted to share some of it with you now! :)

Here is a poem by C.S. Lewis that Miller quotes in his book. It really hit me hard and if you are a Christ follower, it will probably strike a chord with you too:

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek-
But self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Translate it as you will. To me, this poem is talking about our hypocritical sinful nature. We sing about our love of God at church, we tell others how much we love God but how do we truly show evidence of that? We need to love God's children before ourselves and that is showing God that you love him.

It's funny, I was randomly listening to "Jesus Freak" today on my iPod and at the end of that song, because I've had that CD for most of my life it seems like, I know immediately which song follows it. At the beginning of "What if I Stumble" by dcTalk a man is talking and he says, "The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." That poem and what it means made me think of that. We need to stop being hypocrites because the rest of the world is looking down on us and watching us. They see Christians acting like idiots, acting completely against what Jesus taught, then going to church every Sunday and passionately praising him. (I will be the first to admit that I am one of those people. I'm not going to dish out my opinion and not take it to heart too... I'm teaching myself in this process as well, trust me.) Non-Christians see all of that and think that that is what a Christian is supposed to be like. A Christian is a follower of Christ and His teachings so why aren't we doing that? Why is it "easy" (or at least more compulsory in their beliefs) for Orthodox Jews to follow the 613 laws that G-d laid out for them and yet it is near impossible for us as Christians to follow the TEN Commandments?

Maybe you have some answers to some of my questions, some disagreements to some of my opinions, or just additions to what I've said. If so, PLEASE comment. I really want to expand my brain and my heart as much as possible in this matter. Thank you!

P.S.
Sorry this thing is so long. Unbelievably this is not even half the stuff that has run through my brain since reading this book again and I'm only halfway through it!

Blatant

"Seven, but I look a lot older."

Julie and I went to a sneak preview of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" tonight and it was a very pleasing film to watch. It was extremely well-made and the story was really different and awesome. They did a really good job making Cate Blanchette and Brad Pitt look really young and really old. Like, a really ridiculously good job.

I cried, of course. Probably not for any reasons you all will cry, though. I don't want to give anything away and I don't think I am by explaining this but the whole story takes place in New Orleans and the story ends with Hurricane Katrina hitting. It didn't delve into that a whole lot but the very last scene made me cry. Having been there and having a connection to that place has made my heart save a big section of itself especially for New Orleans. Love it.

Oh, and aP, did you ever see them filming this movie in NOLA? So much of it was either filmed there or in ridiculously good replicas of it. It looked so stinkin BEAUTIFUL in the movie!!!

OK, that is all. When it comes out on Christmas Day you should all see it. It's really good and heartfelt, etc. Good stuff.

The NEW Bionic MAN!

This is going to be my dad's new bionic knee from now on starting tomorrow!

We're all really excited for him to no longer have pain in his knee, for him to be able to walk without a limp, and most importantly for him to be able to play some mild sports again! I know that sounds like a weird priority but if you know my dad at all, then you know that sports are his life. If he misses a Dallas Cowboys game he goes insane. Not being able to play football with my brother this season at church has been pure torture for him. So... that is really important for him to be able to do again. Mind you, he can't play high-contact sports so luckily for him, the church league is non-tackle! :)

If you read this before tomorrow, please pray for him. I want his recovery to be as quick and painless as possible. He's been suffering for so long that it's high time he's pain free! Thanks.

I'll try to update this a little as his rehabilitation progresses. No promises because... well because I am not very blog-update-reliable. I shall try my best, though.

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers! Later gators.

Magic

Penelope is beautiful. Penelope is magical. Penelope makes me so happy I cried. Watch it. That's all.

"Eccentric man-child"

I was at Julie's tonight watching some... I believe it is called cable television. I was flipping through the stations, quite saddened by the lack of good game shows being shown on GSN, when I came across Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, a film I had never previously viewed. Upon watching, I became quite entranced and severely entertained. This is now my MOVIE OBSESSION OF THE MOMENT. I was laughing hysterically throughout the entire film, although I did miss the beginning of it. The above scene is probably my favorite as it makes me laugh until tears drip down my face even when I think about it later.

I am pretty positive now that Tim Burton is one of the greatest film directors of my life.

$2.99 RC

"Conversation" we had with two men in the Wal-Mart parking lot:

Them: "Hey, how you girls doin?"
Us: "Well, thanks"
Them: "Y'all drive safe now."
Us: "You too."

[not sure which order this all goes in but all quotes are equally important to the quality of this conversation]

All Them:
"She be ROCKIN that black and white blazer!"
"They rockin them stockings."
"Look at that RC. You got that on sale, huh? $2.99... shoo, you shoulda got two!"

Oh, and there was something about the fact that we had milk and cereal and that we were thinking about the morning or something like that but I can't remember exactly how that one went.

Needless to say, Julie and I were cracking up. These men were thoroughly entertaining to say the least.

This brings me pure joy:

Phone Nonsense.

Bad News: I have no money, my parents have no money, my T-Mobile contract is up today and I wanted to switch over to Verizon and get the LG Dare today but... well refer to the first two things I mentioned.

Good News: I called T-Mobile and they said that because my contract is up today I am now on a month-to-month plan so that I can make my decision to switch anytime!

So I went from super pissed off at the world to happy in about five minutes. I mean, I'm not ecstatic or anything because I was really excited to get a new phone today. I've been looking forward to that for a few months now and now I just have to wait a bit longer. Oh well, I should be thankful that I even have a working phone!

Okay, now I need to start my essay due tonight! haha

GOBBLE.

Mmm... I'm sad you are so good Mr. Turkey. That is why I cannot be a vegetarian, sometimes my sadness and guilt do not overpower my taste buds. Such is life.

I am really excited to go eat turkey, cranberry sauce, olives, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potato casserole, corn, etc. Thanksgiving is goot. Very goot. Funny thing is that I actually enjoy Christmas dinner more because in my family it is very similar to Thanksgiving but with my grandma's meatballs. That is the best dang part. Anyway, T-Day is still outstanding. Very excited.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Tell me all about it!

¿Como se Llama?

the two best videos i've ever seen in my life. seriously, someone needs to take me to the zoo to pet a llama before i go completely wacko.

Seriously

Why on earth would you purposely put insects in your ears? Are you some kind of maniac?

P.S. In case you don't already know, the thought of bugs crawling in my ears is one of my biggest fears. And yes, that rhymed.

Boys

• THEN: Oh, Leo. You were my first true celeb love. I would have followed you to the Titanic and into the ocean.
• NOW: and Zachary... I was never truly attracted to you until watching the last two episodes of Heroes. I mean, dang boy, you sure can pull off a combover and horn-rimmed glasses!
• ALWAYS: Johnny Johnny Johnny... there are no words to describe my eternal adoration. If only you'd met me before Vanessa Paradis...

As a bit of a side note, my NOW column changes just about everytime I watch another film. This morning I was obsessed with Colin Firth because I watched Bridget Jones Diary. Currently, as you see, it is Zachary Quinto because I just finished watching Heroes two seconds ago. It will probably be that weird looking dude from Twilight tomorrow because, well for one I will fall in love with his character thus find him immensely more attractive, and also he is playing a vampire. I spell hunk v-a-m-p-i-r-e. Well... when played by David Boreanaz or Brad Pitt at least.

No need for words.

YUCK

What the eff is it about junk food??? It's disgusting!!!

I sit here in utter boredom so I think, hmm I think I shall go eat some Pringles. So, I'm sitting here eating Pringles and after the first five I'm like, OK body I shall give you a break from this crap. Then I sit and get a gross after-taste in my mouth which makes me want to eat MORE Pringles to cover it up. Then it gets worse. Now I've eaten half the can, my stomach is gurgling loudly or more like yelling, "What the eff do you expect me to do with this ish?", and I am sitting here staring at the damn can of Pringles wishing that I didn't want to eat more of them. The salt is now burning my lips and is probably eating away at my tongue as we speak.

They put dope in here, don't they? Nicotine? Meth? Because honestly, I cannot figure out any other explanation for wanting so badly to eat something this disgusting.

Next time my mom asks what snacks I want from the grocery store I will (probably with sadness) say apples, bananas, grapes, granola for goodness sakes but please, for the love of St. Petersburg NO Pringles, NO Doritos, NO CHIPS!!!

I feel dirty. I feel like my insides need a shower. I think I shall go eat an apple for redeeming value.

Only an atmospheric discharge.

For today's blog, I thought that I would share a bit of pure randomness for your consideration and enjoyment. I stole the idea for these pictures from Julie who decided last night to walk around my room taking photos of various items. I took this idea and tried to get semi-creative with it. I will admit that I do not really enjoy the photographic quality of the following photographs... They are just for fun and to show off that I have cool stuff. Enjoy!


This one above is my favorite. It is, of course, a stack of National Geographic magazines that I have laying on a bookshelf. I love how they seem to disappear into infinity...

This is a good luck cat thing and a mini glow-in-the-dark King Tut bust. I own cool things, what can I say?

My King Tut hat, purchased at the Luxor hotel in Las Vegas, adorning a styrofoam head that I put piercings on and colored the eyelids and gave eyelashes.

Pictured is a miniature Andy Warhol. He is, in fact, holding a Campbell's soup can. He is standing in front of a black sparkly picture frame. Again, to point out the obvious, I own cool things.

McDonald's recently had Madame Alexander Wizard of Oz toys in their Happy Meals. I was thoroughly excited about this and tried, in vain, to collect them all. These are three of the four that I own. The other one, which is one of the flying monkeys, is actually my favorite but he is on a special shelf that doesn't receive adequate lighting for a decent photograph. Perhaps I shall move him to a more prime location and shoot for your viewing pleasure one day.


I like to collage records. These, however, are the only ones I have created and actually liked enough to keep intact. I really would love to make another couple of them but I haven't got the creative juices flowin just right yet... Perhaps one day soon.



Not a good photograph, but how on earth could I show you photographs of random items in my room and NOT show you my llama? That would be a heinous crime against humanity.

NO OTHER COMBINATION

IN THIS WORLD COULD POSSIBLY MAKE ME HAPPIER AT THIS MOMENT:

http://icydk.com/2008/11/17/first-photo-of-johnny-depp-as-the-mad-hatter-in-tim-burtons-alice-in-wonderland/

Just take a quick gander at THAT!

Fire not gon' come from me tongue.

Julie and I saw Matisyahu tonight at the Marquee Theater in Tempe, AZ! It was really awesome, though I did not see as many Jews in the audience as I would have liked. Matisyahu and his buddy Nosson Zand were fantastic rappers/performers and every song was the best. My favorite is definitely Jerusalem: SUCH a great song!!!

The opening bands were Chester French and Future Rock. Chester French was good but they only played like three or four songs and no one in the audience cared about them. They said this was their first time in AZ and it will probably be their last. I felt badly for them. They were cute little Harvard grads putting their hearts into their music and barely anyone would even clap at the end of the songs! We did, though. We also met the guitar dudes wife, Peaches Geldof who is "famous" if you read Nylon magazine or read fashion blogs like Julie and I do. She was nice and I really liked her headband. Julie bought their CD and had the one band dude that was out in the lobby sign it and she got pics with the band dude and Peaches.

My World Religions instructor was supposed to have been there but I could not find him. I was really bummed out because I wanted Julie to meet him. He is the best instructor I have, I absolutely adore him. Like, I LOVE this dude. He has the best personality ever and the most prodigious vocabulary I have ever heard in my life. It is almost too difficult to describe without swooning a bit. Yes, that's right, I am in love with someone's vocabulary. What now?

Moving on...

Alas, he was not present in my line of vision, thus I moved on with life. I will admit to have seen many a bald-headed man hoping it was him but it would turn out to be either an old man or a gross gothic dude.

Oh, and as a final note, I almost passed out twice. It was scary. The first time I told Julie I was going to the bathroom but instead I got outside the mob and full-on fell on my butt in a puddle of someone's spilt Coke and just sat there feeling like I was going to vomit. I made it to my feet and started to black out but made it to the bathrooms just in time. I sat in a stall for probably close to five minutes and finally made my way back to Julie feeling right as rain. I think about an hour later I felt it creeping back into my head and had to go sit against the wall. I didn't even have the strength to tell Julie I was going anywhere so she lost me for awhile. Then it was the end of the show and Matisyahu was playing King Without a Crown (of course I am sick and unable to stand for this part!) and the crowd got so close and stuck together that I couldn't inch my way back up to Julie successfully. I made it close enough to see her but there were two rows of people between us. Anyway, in the end we found each other (I sure love cell phones) and all was well. I ate some Whataburger and felt much better afterward. I guess a chicken salad sandwhich is not good energy food or something because that's what I had for a late lunch and when I started to feel crappy my stomach felt as though it had been empty for eight years.

That was a long last note.

OK, time to seriously consider going to sleep. I have church tomorrow, then lunch, then homework, then (HOPEFULLY) game night at my brother's house.

twinkle twinkle little bat

If you ever get the chance to go to the Phoenix Art Museum, totally check out the like secret hidden room that everyone is standing in line for because it's awesome. This picture really is nothing in comparison to what you actually see and feel when you're in there. I wanted to stay there forever, in all honesty. I said that I wanted my room to be just like it and, you know what, I think one day I will cover my room with mirrors and random, color-changing, floating lights. Ugh, twas a magical place. Seriously.

I am a PRO...crastinator.

I wrote an essay right before it was due and received a stellar grade. The essay I spent a couple of days on received the lowest score of anything I've yet written for my English 101 class. Coincidence? Well, considering the next highest grade I received in that class was also on a paper I spent about two hours the night before writing... I think not.

This blog makes no sense

Oh well.

I woke up this morning and seriously thought it was Saturday and that I was going to have to get up and go to therapy. I was really bummed out. Not because of therapy but because I definitely wasn't ready to get out of bed for anything. Then I sat there asking myself over and over, "Is it Saturday? No, really... Is it Saturday?" I was having such a hard time remembering what day it was. So out of it. Maybe I should stop going to bed at early hours of the morning. Not healthy I am finding.

My temp agency lady friend didn't email me back yet. I'm nervous that she no longer works there and that I'm going to have to deal with someone else. I don't like anyone else there, ok? I guess if it means employment, though, I can just suck it up and do it anyway.

What else...

Bug me to set up a doctor's appointment. My stomach is so super wack right now and it's not good... not good at all. I feel so gross all the time. Why the heck don't I call the doctor? Oh yeah, because I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? Because I'm really scared that they'll think I am like anorexic or something and I'm NOT. I really don't want them to think I do this on purpose. Who wants to feel this craptastic all the time? I like food!

Well, I seriously seriously need to get off my butt and get ready.

P.S.
I should have borrowed Jenna's nail polish! Dang it.

Abandonded pt 2

WebUrbanist has once again tickled my fancy with a post about abandonded locations around the world. This time they did amusement parks, schools, theaters, and pools! Here are some of my favorites...

Splendid China Amusement Park in Kissimmee, Florida

Theater in Gary, Indiana

High School in Ohio

Jean Gordon Elementary School in New Orleans

Indoor swimming pools in England

I know it's too late but...

I'll take Therapy, no pickles, no onions.

What is it about meeting someone for a meal, or even just coffee, that brings out all your darkest feelings and secrets. Does food and coffee contain some kind of truth serum that forces you to splurge all the contents of your head and heart? I'm not sure but I have fallen victim to this (most likely government) conspiracy too many times to mention. I am now speaking out against secret truth serum food/coffee spiking!

HOT CHICKS AGAINST TRUTH SERUM SPIKING.

-OR-

H-CATSS

Oh yes, I can see it now: t-shirts, buttons, bumper stickers, Facebook groups. It will sweep over the nation like a giant broom... Am I going too far with this?

Back to reality...

I went to lunch today with my dad because our "stress-catalyst" had chosen to give us the silent treatment yet again and for God only knows what reason. We met up at McDonald's because it was close, I had a cramp the size of the Giza Pyramids, and I thought some deep-fried processed chicken in nugget form sounded delish. We sat down and almost immediately our therapy session started.

Therapy is definitely not something you can only receive from a licensed professional with a degree neatly framed and nailed to the wall. Therapy is everywhere if you let it be. You have to have an outlet for your stress. For a lot of people though, a licensed professional is the best outlet they can find.

I started actual therapy last weekend and decided that I like going but I may try someone else. I am a big talker and I need to talk for long periods of uninterrupted time in order for me to feel like I am spilling all my beans into a neat little pile that my therapist can then sort through and separate the good beans from the bad. The therapist then teaches me how to do the same and keep them separate... you see where I am going? Well, my current therapist, though I will go a couple more times to give him a fighting chance, is also a talker. He likes to interrupt me with his opinions and thus cuts my stream of bean-spilling and causes said beans to splatter all over the room and we lose the ones we were talking about. I get distracted, he gets distracted and starts talking about his dogs for 10 minutes and I start losing interest in anything he has to say. I am sorry but listening to someone talk about their dogs when they are supposed to be listening to me vent about crap is not condusive to my mental health. At least, I don't think it is.

Does this make me sound annoying and selfish? I really hope not.

I don't think this blog even went the avenue I had planned it to go. The point I was going to make before I went off on a tangent about my therapist, his dogs, and bean-spilling was that meeting someone over lunch, like my dad and I, or meeting someone over coffee, like my grandma and I frequently do, can be really good for you. However, this shouldn't be your only outlet. If you have major issues like my family seems to have, venting to friends and family won't always get you to where you need to be. My grandma likes to point out that she says a lot of the things that a therapist later tells us, and it's true sometimes. Hearing something from your grandma and hearing the same words come out of a doctors mouth, though, sound extremely different.

I don't really know where I was going with this anymore. Sometimes I cut off my own bean-stream.

Well, I had better finish my English homework before I leave for class in two and a half hours. I'll leave you to your life. Good-toodles to you.

VOTE

Yay! I turned 18 two years ago and could have voted in the primaries but I sure did not. I wanted my presidential vote to be my first. Doesn't make sense to some but I don't care! It was fun times. You should all do it one day.


O, how historic this day is. I am anxious to see how it's all going to turn out. The world we live in is so messy. I am ready for it to be cleaned up a little bit. I just hope whomever wins doesn't messy it up even more!!!


On that note, I would love to have a job right about now. I dislike being broke as a joke.


No bullets today, though I bet I could have used them just as efficiently.


My mom is watching I Dream of Jeannie and I am very jealous. I forgot how much I used to adore that show. It was my favorite as a little kid. Man, I miss Screen Gems Network! I would watch I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched half the school year and then The Partridge Family and The Monkees the second half. Fricken awesome.

I look really cute today. This picture doesn't do it justice. My hair adds to the cuteness factor and you can't put hair on a floating outfit like that...

Anywho, I'm going to go eat something and then off to class. Apparently it is important that I leave class early tonight and head over to Jenna's. I have no idea why. I'll let you know! haha

Tor-Turtle

I am really digging bullet points these days. They can be as scattered, brief, and random as my actual thought process:

• I have seen a shooting star three times this past week! Is the sky falling?
• Listen to the Marie Antoinette soundtrack and you will understand me. Well, maybe not but you will be listening to one of my all-time favorite albums. I adore it with all my corazon.
• I am over it! Like, for real! You know...
• Apparently, my friends are into mountain men now.
• I am still confused and grossed out by a fact I learned yesterday. I mean, really?
• I am so sure that I am going to fail my math class that I have no desire to do anything for it anymore. That's a bad thing. I have class in an hour and have not done a single problem for my homework. I most likely have a quiz on what we learned as well. Sweet.
• I LOVE THE CURE!!!! I forgot how much I loved them. I really love them.
• EE Cummings did not, in fact, prefer his name to be un-capitalized.
• One thing I do enjoy about my literature class is the actual fiction and poetry that we get to read. I don't necessarily enjoy studying and dissecting them but I love reading them. There are some stinkin' brilliant artists out there. Gertrude Stein and EE Cummings are da bomb.
• OK, I really need to get ready for class. I won't slack as much as I'd like.

Note to Self:

I do not want to follow any of the following as a career path (despite previous inklings):

• English
• Literature
• Art History

That is all.

G-G-G-GHOST!!

I think I saw a shooting star last night, like for real! Awesome.

Tonight is Halloween!!! Previously, I disliked Halloween immensely, mostly because the past 5 or 6 Halloweens have been total busts. I remember in Sophomore year dressing up like a very modest Playboy bunny, going to this party with some older high schoolers and feeling more uncomfortable than I ever have in my whole life. We didn't even do anything! Then they boys whipped out their XBOXes and I'm like, "I'm outta here!". BORING. STUPID. And then I honestly cannot remember doing anything for Halloween after that. I think Junior year, the year I had no friends, I put on my mom's wedding dress and handed out candy to the neighbor kids. Hooray... Last year I was in California I believe... I have no idea what I did... OH YEAH! I dressed up as a pirate and helped at the church fall festival thing. I actually just figured that out as I typed, no joke.

THIS YEAR THOUGH.... I am going with Julie and Jenna to a Rocky Horror Picture Show party! Yay!!! I don't really have stuff to be a character from RHPS but I just threw a bunch of randomness together and I'll do my makeup all crazy, etc. It shall be awesome. Oh yes. Then later I think we're going back to Jenna's for some more crazy. Oh yes. Good times.

Alright, I need to get some stuff done before my Halloween greatness commences. I'll let you know how it goes!

Bits and Pieces

I just wanted to say stuff:

• Tonight was supposed to bring a meteor shower around 3:30am. Here I am wide awake and I see nothing. I think I may have seen ONE on my way home from Julie's a little while ago but then again I often see random things at night. It could have been anything, really.
• Today, or technically yesterday, was my official birthday. A lot of people said happy birthday to me which made me feel really special :) I get the warm fuzzies when I know that people are thinking of me. How nice of Facebook and Myspace to remind random people of my birthday. I thoroughly enjoy that feature.
• I just watched the Game Show Network at Julie's until 3am. One day I think I shall go on a game show. I really want to go on Don't Forget the Lyrics with my dad and Julie as my backups! What a winning combo we'd be!
• I've been listening to Just Dance by Lady Gaga, Love Lockdown by Kanye West, Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie, and sometimes thrown in the mix, What Them Girls Like by Ludacris featuring Chris Brown and some other dude over and over and over again for three days.
• I got to talk to my cousin in New Orleans and my aunt in California today! This makes me very very happy inside and out :)
• I hate that I have friends that either no longer talk to me or that I no longer communicate with.
• I also hate when it's been so long since I've chosen to speak with someone that it has gotten to that akward stage where if I were to talk to them again I'd have to apologize and explain why I stopped talking to them and I honestly have no answer. I'll just use someone else's excuse of "I fell off the face of the planet." Sorry, you-know-who... I had to. It's just an excuse, I know. I just don't know what else to say. I don't know why I'm like that.
• I am an avoider. I guess there's my answer.
• I am officially going to therapy now! I am not embarrassed, I am genuinely happy. My first appointment is a week from this coming Saturday, so yay. I hope I can eventually stop being an avoider and stop being a lot of other dumb things I tend to be quite often.
• I am officially and totally and completely 20 years old now. Wow.
• Uhhh...

That is all I guess.

Two Decades of Awesome

Check it out: Evidence of my age.

I'm 20 years old! No longer a stinkin teenager!

Oooohhh gosh... if only life got less complicated with each passing year.

My life would be 2o times less complicated than being born.

That seems like a pretty strenuous task.

I'd have it easy-peasy by now!

I told someone the other day that when I am with my family, being older sucks and makes me sad because, with my family, I just want to be a child forever. However, when I am with friends, I cannot wait to be older because I enjoy the process of growing up with people my age, you know?

Getting older is weird. I can't believe that I was 18 two years ago. Like... dang.

Ugh... it's funny, I was speaking with my bff about boys and such and how when I was like 16 I discussed how I expected my life to be in the future. I believed I would get married at 23 and start having kids at 25. WOW, things sure do change a lot in 4 years! I mean, I guess it's still plausible that I could get married at 23 but I don't necessarily see that happening. See, now my thing is I want to date for (at least) a year and be engaged for a year so... seeing as how I don't even have a bf right now I don't really see the 23 thing happening. Not complaining! Just saying. Also, dude... 30s are the new 20s so kids can wait. I am in no hurry to have children. Plus, adoption takes a long time so... you know. Who knows when that will happen. Again, not complaining here. Just stating some facts.

I am 20 years old talking about marriage and kids. What is going on? AHHH I feel weird.

OK, I need sleep... I want to be awake to celebrate the day of my birth :) What a glorious day. It really should be a national holiday: Caitlin Day: The day the world celebrates me entering the world. I am pretty awesome. HAHA OK, sorry... big headed birthday girl :D

Night, night.

HI SHAUN AND KATIE!!!

Sorry, just giving a shout-out to my stalkers.

Today I am celebrating my 20th birthday! My family and I went to Dave & Buster's for lunch and played games which was a total blast. I love that place! I had never been but it just looked fun and different so I thought I'd give it a try. Fun fun. Later we all went to my house for banana cream pie and presents! All in all a great day so far. Tonight I am getting all dolled up in my flapper outfit to go to Gaslight Inn and then to Jenna's for some more fun! Yay! This is a good birthday!

fake + cheap= you get what you pay for.

I bought some adorable white wayfarers at the state fair last weekend for $10 from a rasta man. I also paid $10 for a henna tattoo.

Do I now feel that this was a wise $20 to spend? Not at all.

I just took my sunglasses from my purse and they are completely broken. Unfixable. Lame. And my henna tattoo? Well, first of all he didn't even give me the one I asked for. The one I got was lame, though he did do a good job on it, I'll give him that. Second of all, henna tattoos are supposed to last about two weeks. The first and only other one I ever had was huge and lasted like a month. This one is already gone. It was completely faded like three days ago. Saying 10 days and meaning 5 is stretching it a bit.

BUT the henna man and the rasta man cannot be held responsible for this. I purchased these items for very cheap at the state fair. What did I expect? The crown jewels on a silver platter? Nah, I guess I expected them to disappoint. They were fun for a couple days and that's better than not at all I suppose. Granted I will never have that $20 back...

So was it worth it in the end? I feel like there have been plenty of times when I have wasted money. I then ask myself, was the short lifespan of whatever your purchased worth what you spent? Most of the time the answer is a resounding NO! Yet, it always is my fault, you know? You can always get your money back or just not spend it at all.

The next time I go to the fair or anything similar I will ask myself... if I spend $X on this item, is that worth the fact that I will most likely not own this thing in its current state in about a week?

This is rambling at its finest, people. Take it all in.

On a completely separate note: I still am lacking in the employment area. I have applied to lots and lots of jobs and have not heard from a single one. I mean, I haven't even received rejections! Makes me cry inside.

Random note #2: There is a rabbit at the AZ Humane Society (the first one on the page, his name is Mr. Big) that has been there longer than any of the other animals. His price has been reduced to $20 and I am very scared that if he doesn't get adopted soon they'll have to... you know. I cried for a good ten minutes when I saw his picture on the website. I wish I could adopt him but, shoot man I can barely take of my fish let alone a rabbit. I would not be a responsible pet owner... but if you know someone who can take him and let me visit... that would be cool! OK, I guess even if I can't visit it would be cool. This rabbit is just like YANKING at my heartstrings and I can't stop thinking about him. So, any help would be awesome!!!

Last thing (I think): My birthday party is this Saturday!!! Yay!!! Julie and I bought our flapper dresses last night and we got all decked out in 20s gear... dang. I shall have to take lots of pictures because you would not believe how we look. I did not even look like myself, I didn't even FEEL like myself. I am one HOT flapper :) Just sayin... haha

OK, that's all. Toodles.

NONSENSE IT ALL IS

I went to the AZ State Fair with my mom and cousin, Liz. This is the ferris wheel!

Also at the fair, this is an alpaca (white and dirty) and a llama (cute black poodle-shaved). Let me just point out that the alpaca was a poop chunk and all it wanted was food. It wouldn't let me pet it and was a jerk. HOWEVER, the llama was a sweety pie and let me put his head in my hands and pet his nose and cherish him for all time. When will you all learn... llamas are so much better than those snooty stuck up alpacas!

Awww.... goooaatt. Please go to YouTube and search for the talking goat. It makes my day everytime I view it. I got a bit bored of goats at the fair though. Just too many of them.

Oh, hey... not at the fair. This is me in my "sporty outfit". Just to prove how incredibly girly I am... I was nervous and didn't want to play kickball at all until I purchased every item in this outfit. I then felt adorable and so thought, okay I don't care if I suck because I will look cute doing it.

Shuffle

I am so cold that I am warming my hands over the hot air vent of my laptop.

Anyway, today on my way to school I had my iPod on shuffle. I really enjoy the shuffle feature sometimes and other times I hate it and quickly switch to an album or old overplayed playlist. I rarely ever hear two great songs in a row let alone two that mesh well together that aren't actually the same artist. Today, however, Narc by Interpol and then Titles and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie came on and I was pleased. I don't know why, I mean at first glance those don't seem "mesh-able" but they really went nicely together.

I am actually writing this to keep from fuming because I am actually in a really bad mood right now. I would rather not be though so I am pretending that I feel fine. Thus, this post is pointless and really not that interesting.

I feel like I have so much to do right now. I should be reading, preparing questions for my religions class, starting my compare/contrast essay, applying to more jobs, and taking a bath because I am super duper sore.

Oh, I forgot to inform you that I am now, for the first time in my life, part of an organized sport. Yes, I am on a kickball team!!! Haha, this is big stuff for Caitlin! We played our first game yesterday and... WE WON!!! It was awesome. You should come watch sometime. I will be embarrassed but you'll make me feel loved nonetheless.

Make like Vincent Van and Gogh. Yeah, Julie, that does flow a bit better...

haha.. "Gogh away boids." I am still laughing inside.

OKAYYY now I am blabbering. Off to watch Heroes.

Late Night Cleverness

All alone in my room, trying to fall asleep and this is what pops into my head:

"Make like Vincent Van and Gogh away!"

I just thought I'd share. Goodnight moon.

I have read this a million times and cannot stop laughing. Hilarious.

Those darn boids get on my noives.

I have discovered as of last night that Wes Anderson is one of my all-time favorite film makers. I have now seen three of his films: Rushmore, The Darjeeling Limited, and The Royal Tenenbaums. I need to see Bottle Rocket and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou ASAP!!! I am positive I will enjoy both greatly.

I want to apply to Bookman's I think. I believe working in a bookstore would bring me immense joy and pleasure.

Does anyone know what I should do with my life? I mean, really, any ideas would be beneficial to my disposition.

O, How I Love Thee, Sweet Economy.

I lost my job.

Well, my mom can no longer say what she so very often says: "Why are you worrying about the economy. It's not even affecting you!" Oh yeah?

Sorry, I sound really bitter and angry when really I am just annoyed and disappointed. I'm sick of looking for jobs. I feel like that's all I do anymore. Seriously, didn't I JUST do this? Frickbox.

Just pray for me to find something that works with school. That's the most important thing right now. Secondly, pray that I find something soon because my birthday and my NYC trip are ridiculously close at hand. I'm scared I may not even be able to go now... but I don't want to be pessimistic. Just pray. Or send out good vibes... whatever.

Thank you.

Oh, what a day.

Today has already been ridiculous. I mean, it had the potential to be amazing x 12 but in the end I am a bit on the miserable side. I woke up this morning and REALLY wanted to hang out with someone at the park. Apparently I am the only one who had nothing to do today because everyone is busy. So I then decided that I would make today a Caitlin day. I never really like to do things by myself so I thought, I really need to learn to do so. I ate lunch at a restaurant by myself for probably only the second time in my life, if not the first. I drove around a farm-area-like neighborhood on a search for llamas. This is the only one I found:



Actually, this playground llama is the only thing that made me smile today. I was driving all around farm land looking for llamas and the only one I found was one on an elementary school playground. Maybe if I replay that moment in my head over and over again it will make me happy the rest of the day.

OK, so then I drove by the goat farm I have previously mentioned and one of the goats was like outside the yard. I had a big giant debate with myself over whether I should tell the owners or not... and discovered I am a big selfish person who's too afraid to be nice to people. I am still thinking I might drive back and see if it's still there... I don't know what's wrong with me today.

OK, good things about today: Aforementioned llama. I purchased Rocky Horror Picture Show on DVD and CD. The weather is beyond amazingly beautiful and it literally makes me want to sit outside and cry. I'm not kidding. AND I just decided that I am going to go climb a mountain. I don't care if I am by myself, I am sick of my house and I'm sick of feeling like I have to have people around for fun. What the eff am I talking about? I wish someone would come with me...

I'm screwed in the head today.

Roaring

I am very excited for my birthday this year. I am turning 20 and, previously was not excited about this age at all. So, to make it fun and exciting I am having a Roaring Twenties party at a jazz club!


I really love the twenties. The hair, the dresses, the cars, the movies, the jazz. Exquisite. Pictured above is Louise Brooks. When I googled her name on Google Images, I was blown away! She could totally be a modern model or something! Her pictures are so awesome, it was hard for me to choose just one for my blog.


Anyway, this really doesn't have a point. I just really wanted to post that picture somewhere. (Note: I am so glad I bought that ridiculous bobbed black wig on a whim!)



P.S.

Hi, I am ADORABLE!!! Guess who's going to be around Caitlin's neck everyday from now on??? :D

He Doesn't Know Why

this is beautiful. the song. the lead singer. the video itself. gorgeous. love it. love it i say! OK thanks.

A is for Apple. Hay is for Horses.

Look at this:

Do you see this pie? Do you see it? Do you honestly see this pie?

OK, I believe you.

Now... Imagine...

Imagine yourself mashing this pie up into bits and pieces.

Now, imagine that you are mixing those bits and pieces into something.

Imagine that that something happens to be vanilla ice cream.

You are now imagining what I consumed in reality today.

Little Known Fact:

Apple Pie Ice Cream is my ALL-TIME favorite ice cream flavor in the whole wide universe. I had only ever had it out of a pint or quart or whatever from the store and then they stopped carrying it. I then forgot all about it and haven't looked in ages. So, my grandma gave me coupons to Baskin Robbins the other day and one of them was buy one cone get one free. I got home from school today and my mom says, "Do you want to go get ice cream?" I say heck yes and we're off. I'm not even that excited, really because I was tired and just wanted to sit and relax... but I don't want this coupon to go to waste so whatever. I get there... and what do I see but my good ol' buddy pal Apple Pie Ice Cream just sitting there in the freezer waiting for me to consume it!!!!

*CUE HALLELUJAH-SINGING-CHOIR MUSIC FROM A BEAM OF LIGHT FROM A CLOUD*

I really love apple pie flavored ice cream.

I have also decided today that I need to see if there is a llama farm anywhere near by. I am in dire need of some llama therapy... aka I need to pet a llama soon or I will collapse. I'm thinking there might be one in the area of 51st Ave because there is a farm there with tons of goats and a pony and a donkey that I pass by everyday going to school. It's adorable and makes my day bright which is why I go that way :) Speaking of, when I drove past today all of the animals were on one side of the yard grazing or doing whatever they do and then alllllll the way on the other side behind a big metal tub thing was a little black goat all by himself! He was acting all wacko and like flailing his head around. It made me sad! I said, man, sometimes I feel like that goat. All alone behind a metal tub flailing my head about... OK maybe not.

The moral of this story is...

There isn't one. It's not really a story though either, is it? I'm just a big stinky liar face pants.

*cue crowd of people yelling "GO TO BED, YA FREAK!"*

OK. Goodnight moon.

Abandoned

I have always had a particular fascination with abandoned places. I once saw an abandoned amusement park in the middle of nowhere on the way to Tucson or something and have been thinking about it ever since. When my parents and I used to travel around AZ a lot, we saw plenty of ghost towns and indian ruins that always amazed me. I love to think about who once lived there, why they left, etc.

Today I read an article called "7 Abandoned Cities and Places in Asia" and there are several that I would give my big toe to go see... maybe not literally (though, one has land mines surrounding it so I'm sure that option is quite possible... Eek), but I would LOVE to go nonetheless.

Check out the article. I'm sure there are plenty of places like this all over the world and I would love to see them all. Maybe that should become a hobby of mine one day. I particularly like the ones that you can just walk around without some annoying tour guide making the place feel more like a museum and less like a piece of my imagination. You know what I mean?

Anyway, I started looking on that site with the Asian abandoned places deal and found a ton more! I shall post pictures to spruce this post up a bit:



Pennsylvania





Russia





France





Arizona(!!!)





Mandu


If you know of any other awesome abandoned places in AZ, know where that amusement park is (because I couldn't tell you where it was if my life depended on it), or have anything else to say do so, please! I enjoy sharing common interests with folks :)

Vampire Weekend Show!!!

Julie and I, on a whim, decided to go to the Vampire Weekend show tonight at the Marquee. It was a blast! They are fantastic live. Seriously, his voice is just as good or better in person as it is on the album itself. They're really fun and the music is so happy it makes you wanna get up and dance your life away!!!

Go see them if you ever get a chance. It shall be a good time, I promise you that.

Oh, we've also decided that shows are really fun and we definitely need to go to them more often. There are a ton coming up that sound entertaining so perhaps I shall become one of "those people" who go to shows every weekend. Then go deaf at 20. JK JK. But seriously, maybe not every weekend or anything but going to shows sure is a blast and I am always so energetic and happy afterward. I have yet to be at a boring or just plain BAD performance.

So far, I have seen the following live:
Julieta Venegas w/ Los Abandoned
Spill Canvas w/ Sugarcult
Imogen Heap
The Kills
Vampire Weekend
the all-important Snail Quail on several occasions ;)

uhh.... I feel like I am missing someone important. I can't remember.

In a past life (aka I was young so I only have vague memories) I also saw:
dcTalk
Vince Gill
ZoeGirl

and I am sure someone else but again, my brain is not remembering everything right now.

Nevertheless, I feel as though I have missed out on a lot of good acts. So, let's go to more shows everyone!

The Fly

Little Fly

Thy summers play,

My thoughtless hand

Has brush'd away.

Am not I

A fly like thee?

And art not thou

A man like me?

For I dance

And drink & sing;

Till some blind hand

Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life

And strength & breath;

And the want

Of thought is death;

Than am I

A happy fly,

If I live,

Or if I die.

-William Blake

(my favorite poet!)

Rocky Horror

"I ask for nothing."
"And you shall receive it... In ABUNDANCE!"

"Let's do the Time Warp againnnnn...."

"It's not easy having a good time! Even smiling makes my face ache!"

This is my peacock buddy! I folded him out of a dollar bill at work today. I want to make him a llama companion but I only have a fiver and I don't feel like wasting quite that much.