Monday, August 24, 2009


Yeah, "Straw-Cab".

I wrote a tweet stating how backwards my life really is. This then inspired me to blog. I haven't been doing this much recently, I know. Shame on me.

Here is why my life is backwards:

First off, the thing that inspired the tweet in the first place was the fact that on days that I work, I usually sleep in really really late because I don't have to be at work until 4-6pm but also feel like if I were to get up and LIVE that I wouldn't have enough time in the day to do so. There was a quote in a movie I recently watched, and now I can't remember which one, where an old lady talks about how when you know the end is coming you spend all your time worrying and not living. I know she was talking about death but that's sort of how I feel about obligation. When I know I have to do something at a certain time the entire day I think about it. By the time I do it and get it done I feel like I've been doing it all day long.

Secondly, my life is "backwards" because of how complicated everything is. Not just life experiences or whatever but even very simple things. I never have a simple answer for anything. EVER. My favorite color? Oh, well it's blue-green but not just blue-green I love all shades of blue-green. "Oh, so like teal?" Yes, but also aqua and turquoise and every other shade. My favorite movie? Well, I like Wizard of Oz, Grease, Star Wars, Moulin Rouge, Amelie, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Wristcutters, Wes Anderson films... My favorite Wes Anderson film? Well, I really love The Royal Tenenbaums but Life Aquatic is also really really good...

SHUT UP. Seriously, I wish I had simple answers to SOMETHING. Even when people ask me about school I feel like I have to write a novel about it.

Oh, and don't even get me started on my boy issues. That's a fricken War & Peace-sized tale.

I just wish that something sometime would be easy, simple, uncomplicated, and stress-free. I wish that my fear of disappointing others and my lack of ability to make decisions would just go away. I talk about that stuff in therapy, I talk about it with family and friends and trying to get rid of it never gets any easier. I'm trying. I really am. I actually had made a list one time of my top 5 favorite movies and I felt alright about. I felt a little OCD about it for awhile like, "Uhh... mmmm.... I don't know... are these REALLY my favorite movies?" while wringing my hands and straightening the rugs and crooked frames on the walls. I think I am a little OCD about things sometimes... I also have the tendency to go on tangents. I bore people when I tell stories. Don't lie. My parents tell me all the time that I do.


Knowing my brain, I'm probably going to write a blog about my OCD-ness now. I apologize in advance.

If any of you ever become alcoholics and I feel I must intervene, here is how it will happen:

toothpaste for dinner

1 comment:

Amanda said...

oh how i love your randomness and tangents and love for complicatedness. :)

it's what makes you unique, it's what makes you stand out in a crowd. embrace it.

and come to terms with the fact that when someone asks you what your favorite movie is, you can randomly pick one of your top 100 and be completely satisfied that, for that day, that movie will be your favorite, but at any point in time, it can change, and that's ok. :)

and you don't bore me with the stories... sometimes i have a hard time keeping up, but you don't bore. :) lol...

and the keeping up has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with my inability to track for very long. :)